YEAR 2022
Why?
Why on earth did i ask my wife(read dear darling wife), to write a guest post for my Blog. It seems as if she had been waiting for the exact opportunity, to vent out her frustrations, and lower my image in front of my blog readers. I now understand, why she had been so all praise for my writing and my thoughts, all of a sudden in 8 years, the last couple of days. She had a plan. It was all a trap and i walked straight into it. Women, i tell you. One wink of the eye, one sweet smile, one word of praise for anything you love, one morning coffee, and men will be ready to jump from their balconies, all smiling. I deliberately took the first floor flat, would get some broken bone and bed-rest at max. She has now threatened me, to publish this post on my blog, without any editing, or else i would have to sleep in the garage outside for one month and live on left-overs. Considering its winters, and we don’t really have a cozy garage or even a garage, i had to submit.
So here, is what my wife(read dear darling wife), wrote. Please don’t take all that’s written seriously. I am not that bad a person to live with.
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TO MY LOVING HUSBAND…
Greetings to all the morons in the world, who read my husband’s blog.
I am sure none of you is a woman, for i believe women have far better and important jobs than reading self-obsessed blogs.
But if by chance, if any of you is indeed a woman, i would be really curious to see how you look like.
Men are such emotional fools, i tell you. And my husband would easily be the king of all those fools, unanimously. I happened to read my son’s blog 2 months back, and since then, i have been waiting to reply back. And what better way to reply back on my husband’s blog itself and use his readership to my purpose. I so so tricked him, and so easily too. I didn’t even have to go to my plan B and C. It’s so much fun to play with him. The other day, i brought him the morning coffee(put some extra sugar into it), and told him that i read one of his very old posts…..HAPPINESS 99.9999% pure. He sat bolt upright in his bed, hugged me, gave me a kiss and burnt his tongue in a hurry to drink the steaming coffee. There were tears of happiness 99.9999% pure in his eyes that moment(he thought it was happiness but it was only because he had burnt his over-used tongue). All that i had to do next was tell him, his favorite pasta was for breakfast and he was ready to bring me flowers from the moon. I only asked for a guest post on his blog. My plan, successful.
First of all, you moron( referring to my husband here), it was not your idiot son, but i who wrapped a blanket around you that night. Your son was just smart enough to take the credit for it. And if you would had the common sense to observe, that was our bedroom blanket and not your son’s. All men are idiots.
And i also heard about your son’s infamous English teacher. I now understand why you are always keen to go to the school for PTAs, while not showing the slightest interest in the fact that your son has hit 3 straight zeroes in mathematics for 3 consecutive exams. Enough with you and your interest. From now onwards, i am going to your son’s PTAs and that english teacher better get transferred in the next few months to some other planet.
And please, have you ever seen what your son is becoming. The other day, he punched D’s son so hard, that he cried for one full hour. I thought D was your best friend, wasn’t she? So it’s up to you , how you handle D and your son. I think, you have been the single most bad influence on you own son’s life till now. I know you don’t want him to be an engineer when he grows up, but he is always making weird designer paper planes , at home and in school. God, even his favorite song is “paper planes” by M.I.A., its 10 years old. And by the way, Did you know, that he lost his pencil-box to his classmate, over a game of “teen-patti” that you taught him. He was suspended from school for a month, if you noticed. You thought it was the winter break.
It was the middle of September for god sake.
Lets come to you. In fact lets come to you and your stupid friends. Your friend R, the single most useless friend, a guy can ever have. All he does is, giggle and pass comments. And your friend T. Half of the time, he’s here in my house, hanging out with you. The other half of the time, it’s the other way around. T’s wife has the same thing to say, and if you both don’t get straight now, we will be forced to take some strict actions. And i just have this weird feeling that you won’t like our actions.
You know, what, i am sick and tired of you.
Sick and tired of you.
Remember what you were 10 years back?
Oh, wait, of course you don’t , because you are still the same.
Dude, get a move in life. Be a little more serious, at least towards your family.
10 years back, you were this all careless and free-willled guy, and i thought you were so cute. And when you loved me, i just wanted to see your cute face, each morning, for the rest of my life.
And remember, you once lost a stupid NFS game to me and you spent the whole night in the rain, outside my house, just because you lost a bet. You know, what, i did use a cheat code to win that race. You were not the only smart ass that time. I took help from a friend of your though. It’s such a stupid game anyways. But it was so cute, when you sang “She will be loved” for me the whole night outside. Well, at least until you didn’t start sneezing and get the pneumonia. That was when i knew, i could not love anyone else but you.
But dude, that was 2012. Its 2022 today, 10 years have gone by. And you are still the same. I mean, i still love it when you love me. But there’s so many things apart from love darling. For God’s sake, we have a kid now. And you keep forgetting his name. Don’t you think, he should have some manners and all, and don’t you think that’s your responsibility as a father to him. And don’t you think you pamper him a bit too much. I mean, when you spend the whole day playing NFS with him on his Playstation, have you even seen the number of CD’s in his room. It’s more than the number of books you have in your library. And do you know, half of them have been won in bets of “teen-patti” and other such useless bets. Even you have lost a dozen bets to your son.
So, please stop pampering your kid, if u remember his name. And please don’t brag about your achievements at home, on your blog. There aren’t any. I do keep track of what you write, so don’t have any misconceptions.
And please grow up. Be a little more serious in life, as you promised 10 years back.
Lets make a deal, say. Why don’t you be a bit more serious and responsible, and i won’t make you eat boiled broccoli and other boiled vegetables.
I would even make you, your favorite cheese pasta once a week.
So, what do you say??
PS: By the way, its ok to gift me a huge kiss and a platinum ring , on my birthday, but it’s not OK, to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 2 days after the actual date. Get a pocket calendar, idiot.
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Comments : 11
R said : F*** your wife, dude. Oh, wait, Ok, don’t do that anymore.
T said : I understand why your wife says so for R. But we? And my wife too in the conspiracy?
D said : Dude, i knew you wouldn’t change, hehe. I knew it, when it first met you 30 years ago. And btw, my son is taking karate lessons now, and will beat the hell out of your kid, next time.
Your Son said : Mom, Good job. Dad, poor job. And btw, my name is Bond, James Bond. And you give me the latest NFS now.
Shital said : Hehehehe
English Teacher said : Whoa, you never told me you had a living and roaring wife? You asshole.
T’s wife says : Good post, friend. We will, we will teach them a lesson.
Wife’s friend says : I told, you not to marry him. I never liked him.
Wife’s other friend says : Hey don’t listen to others. He’s so cute. If you plan to leave him, tell me first thing . I am still single.
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THE MIRROR 99 