Archive for August, 2007


Well…last nite ..i witnessed wats called dev-deepawali out here in banaras…..dont hav a clue as to why’s it so called or why the hell is it celebrated in the first place…i mean diwali’s gone only 2 weeks i think…..
but i think its related to old customs..and the sun and the moon… (it was a full sun day and a full moon nite last nite) and all the planets in the solar system( which are always invisible to me)…..
and perhaps the receding waters of ganges….(the water level was real low last nite ….)

anywyz…last nite it was me, pandu and dat rohit..(who makes a fuss about evry god damn thing in the beginning but eventually listens)..we three went to the ghats aftr dinner at abt 9pm.
now i had already done my circuitry for the lab today..so was a bit relieved…and so were they…as we went…
with a chocolate which we bought on the way,we seemed to be the only ones goin towards the ghats at such odd hours…wen the whole crowd seemed to be comin the opposite way…
….guess we dont follow the crowds ….

Anywyz we did reach the ghats, and there was still a lot of “bheed” out dere….
we walked down the steps, to the water, den drank a cup of the special tea…which the special shop dere makes….and den started movin towards the oder ghats by the river…now i had no idea where we cud go by that way….and it so turned out ..dat we actually went on to ..dashashwamegh ghat in godowlia…all the way thru harishchnadra ghat…..( the dead burn here)…
the path was decorated wid diyaas on the sloped embankments( now dats a real gud word i jst remembered)….most of which were already out….at
such hours..but still we cud alwyas imagine the scenes….
and den some firangis were launchin rockets from a rooftop….but i think they forgot…that those were surface-to-air things..and not surface-to-surface things…for one landed some distance from us…and which made us run from there..before any such further attack. i was wondering, at wat cost wud dey have purchased dem..i think 10$ a piece…they r always robbed, but always so happy being robbed in india.

Now there was a real crowd at the last ghat( i cant say the name again)…at godowlia….where….some bhojpuri singer , pandu identifies as manoj tiwari…..was singin songs…well the words were gud i think..i mean the ones i understood….dat is..at least it was better than reshamiya’s out of place crap at the oder ghats…
but boy..it was some crowd at godowlia..

WE enjoyed some moongfalis( pndu’s money) and some bhelpuri( rohit’s money)…..dont think am money minded…it was i who had paid for the chocolate and also some rabri later on…jst kiddin waise to…
anywyz..(man, hav been using this word with the frequency of eye blinks now)…but still anywyz…we had already walked some 5-6 kms..i think..and i really wanted to hav a boat ride to assi( where we had started)….i hav always wanted to have a ” chaandni raat me nauka vihaar”….an esaay which evryone mite hav been forced to write, at some point of his career…but wen the chap ..the driver of the boat( thats not the rite term…i know dat..)..told 300 fr th whole boat..we all unanimously agreed that..”chaandni raat me pag-yatra” was a much better option.

AND so we walked bak the full 5-6 kms..watevr it was..again through the “dead burning” place..and this time we actually saw two bodies burning..must be dead i suppose…for we jst rushed thru with our aching legs….
SOMEHOW as pkm says..somehow we reached assi…and then not findin any god damn rickshaw..we again somehow..i repeat somehow reached lanka….and i think we all had been walkin some 2 hrs non-stop…and had walked at least 15 kms….rohit was i suppose encouragin us with his ” cadet karan shergil” lectures from lakshya…but we were neither cadets, nor karan and not even “sher-dils”….so wat he was sayin was all crap to us….and we wud hav beaten him up..had we not been tired.

well we finally got one rickshaw..the poor soul took some pity on us..and we finally reached bak to our hostel….where my lab circuit was waitin desperately for me…and i had to wake up till 3:30.

ANYWYZ…focusin on the event itself…i wud say..that dev-deepawali had been something we had alwys seen in pics of varanasi bfore this..so witnessin it was somethin…
the lights on the ghats did work magic on the scene…and the whole episode will alwys be remebered by us.
and fellow bloggers…if u ever happen to come to banars..mayb u can give a thought to …..visitin these special ghats..on such special occasions..for i think .these ghats to the special river…are the best things of VARANASI.
(enjoy the pics)…


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is it some deep driven desire of the immensely convoluted human mind…or is it the sheer pleasure of the act itself…..or is it because people have got this wrong notion..that it is actually a medicine to ur emotional diseases….

now this question did come into mind…last night when was talkin to *********…
and then it again came up when i found out this blog..by a certain iitk ‘ian….vinod khare…
good stuff …i must admit…

anywyz..coming bk to the question….
why do boyz drink….

i think i dont quite know…why boyz drink.
i think..most boyz start drinking……like kinda they wanna try out wat the stuff is. venturing into uncharted territories is something which boyz always brave themselves for. anywyz, i myself tried out my first beer, in my 4 semester, ……..i think it was more of 3rd semester, and it was ZINGARO.
anywyz, it was good, i tell you. and i drank full half a bottle.
i ‘ll tell u an inside tip – u’ve got the making of a great drinker if you like your very first sip of whatever you drank ( beer/vodka/whiskey/rum/gin)
and the moment , i had my first sip, i knew it….though others realized that a few microseconds before me.
it was good…
but the question was, why did i drink that day….
another tip – the first drink always has a reason, a damn good reason.
i too had a reason, though i wont tell that here. it was ridiculous and stupid of me….i mean the reason and not the drinking of course.

ok, so i had finally got into the forbidden territory, like many other boyz.
and then , for those who do not like the taste of the malt, there is a return train to safe waters.
but for those like me, who have the making of the greatest of sober drinkers…..like the greats of ummm…..( ok…i dont remember any great drinker, but i guess einstein must have drunk, to stir up his crazy mind). …for those like us, there’s no turning back.

i never realized , when the beer mug got replaced by the KINGFISHER STRONG bottle…
when the bottle got replaced by the WHITE MISCHIEF PEG…
when the peg got replaced by multiple (5-6) pegs of IMPERIAL BLUE & SIGNATURE whiskeys….
and i dont even remember when i started goin to these bars in varanasi….to have some exclusive cocktails, and some other drinks, like, SCOTCHES, RUMS….GIN…etc.
and its the same with all boyz..i know this.
while the transformation from a non-drinker to a drinker , takes ages of sheer grit and determination, and some immense pressure ( maybe emotional)…the transformation form a novice drinker ….to an addict is like in the blink of an eye.
u never realize that u are now an addict.

now, there’s a brand new word….ADDICT…
addict…now when do you know that , you no longer are some recreational, vocational, party drinker stuff……and now alcohol is more of a necessity than a mere pleasure.
i think, when 5-6 glasses of whiskey (neat or otherwise) can no longer take care of you, you can partially assume that.
and i think, when every 15 days or once every week, u ask ur frnd (or he asks you..watever)……to go out to a bar..or to bring in atleast a small bottle (those 90ml ones…they are the cheapest you know, something we engineering students can afford on a weekly subscription basis..i guess) of vodka ..WHITE MISCHIEF( 35RS.).or SMIRNOFF(65RS. ) or ROMANOV…or whiskey….( dont quite know the exact prices here)….its then an engineering student in his last years can safely assume that he is quite an ADDICT now.

so, who am i ? I am not bond, got damnits…i am an ADDICT maybe..not bond…never…
I like to drink, and i miss it every 15-20 dyas now. i constantly encourage my frndz to drink…and have been really successful…in converting some non drinkers into drinkers….though i had to be careful with them ( the main fun , with them, is that…while you serve them only two drops in the name of holy water….you actually get to drink the entire bottle….hehe)…

another divine thing i notice, is how people behave once they are drunk.
most people think of alcohol, as a nice little excuse for saying things which they would never say in their senses, so that if something goes wrong, they can always claim “….they were drunk, dont remember anything, and dint mean anything…and other such stuff ..”….the next day when they are sober.
ask me, i think its all bullshit.
even when drunk, you have perfect control over your tongue……and your head…it might be spinning at a top speed of 100kmph…..but it still is stable enough to keep your tongue in check.
so next time, you see a drunk person apologizing to someone….for saying something which perhaps he should have never said……
trust me its bullshit…pure and simple bullshit.
and its amazing how boyz use this same method, to say horrendous things about girls….to their frndz…and sometimes..to the sheer horror of the girls themselves…..directly to them.

guys, guys , guys…drink for the sheer pleasure of it…
drink for drowning ur sorrows in the bottle of wine….
dont drink to grief others……

Morpheus said to neo in the MATRIX…….” have you always believed , that there is something inherently wrong with this world, never quite realizing what it was….and yet so sure about it ”
man….morpheus should have asked me….and boy….i would have jumped up and down in joy, right in front of that grim faced morpheus, and that sexy trinity……crying out to myself…” yes…yes…i knew it…i always knew it .”

bill gates said in his famous speech to some god damn university…..that the world is not a right place…not a fair place actually.
was it bill or steve jobs….nevertheless…one of them said it for sure.
so you see, now that two greats ( am actually counting morpheus as one of them ) have accepted that the world is not right….they have just corroborated my belief.
so you see the world around me, is not quite a very right place to live.
and thats why i drink….
….drink for the pleasure….drink because someone else might get your drink if u dont drink ,moron.

wait a minute….
what am i doing…..??

here, i am , twenty something old male…..quite a drinker…not quite happy with life…..bloggin about, why we drink and all such bullshit.
so what……who cares what i think…who cares what i say…..people dont trust me..and they should not either….

i read somewhere….” BEER IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US”…..
so dear guys….and any girls maybe….

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its almost 3 am in the morning..

that smell, oh that smell. it s the smell of those shampooed hair. its the smell that emanates from the hair of a girl, when she has just come out of the shower, when she has just shampooed her hair, and when she tries to dry them with her towel.
the notion itself is a romantic one…
though the same smell , here seems to be emanating from the hair of the girl infront of me.
maybe she just came from a quick shower, to catch this late night show.

oh, i forgot to tell, where i was. actually, went to watch this movie CHEENI KUM, the 4 of us….
we got these 4 last row seats of the last show….”11pm – 2 am.”show. and then there are these 4 absolutely ” yokozuna ki mummy” types 4 female species…in the row in front of us( for those who dont know who yokozuna is, i think they can remember any of those ladies from this freaking tv show, hosted by sunil shetty these days on some private entertainment channel…..which shows all these multi-multi-multi over weight men and women, fighting out among themselves, for the biggest loser title……god knows , how these tv people come up with such crazy ideas, and how they sell too…).
ok, anywyz, so there are these 4 “multi-dimensioned” ladies,..who were in the row in front of us.
actually ..thinking, they were 3 of those ” multi-dimensioned” ones…..one of them was ok..the one in the seat in front of me that is.
and that was from where that divine smell was emanating from.

coming back to the movie,…CHEENI KUM…am not about to give a filmy review over here….
have actually seen people givin damn review of films on their blogs…….when they dont quite have the expertise to comment on a film.
its only personal opinion , that you can state, and for that matter, the movie last night was sweet.
CHEENI KUM, is a sweet , cute , ” zara hatke types” movie, which am sure any one would have liked.

the best part, was that little girl, ….what was her name….yes..”SEXY”…
sexy name, i must say……for a girl, whose foreknowledge of her soon impending death, makes her mature way beyond her years.
and then , each word coming out of her little mouth, just touches your heart….
so much that…noone can actually live without her.

while the rest of the movie, is just pure guuud…i would be happy to remember the movie , for that small girl, whose each word was so damn true, and so touching, coming out of her mouth.

what did she advise……”.BE HAPPY- SAD..and not SAD-SAD”.
she asks..and then answers herself…..”…hum sad-sad kyun hote hain?…kyunki humare mann ko kisi ne hurt kiya hai…..hum hurt kyun hote hai?…kyunki jab hum unke saath hote hai, tab hum happy hote hai…to agar hum abhi sad hai…to matlab hum kuch der pehle happy the………to we should be HAPPY-SAD…and not SAD-SAD…..”
now it was something like this, ok…i dont remember it exactly….
but watever it was..it was very very effective.

and then this girl , infront of me, made me remind ****.


now before i get a bit too, much into the skin of my own words, lets change gears…
i have been thinkin sometime now, of writing a book…..
i dont know, am damn damn lazy to do such a thing….but with each passing day, the impulse is just getting stronger.
maybe i will write it , when the impulse is too much…..
but am definitely thinking about it.

the conpulsive confessor has just completed her 3 years of blogging.
and its almost 1.5 years myself.
have matured as a writer…..and have defintely matured in my view .
blogging does help there a lot….as u do become a keen observer of the much smaller than life things around you.
i have proof of that…….
have anyone of you, who have actually watched this CHEENI KUM….
have any one of you ever wondered , why the K in the movie title is actually RED……while the other words are just plain white against a pitch black background.
hah….i know, very few would have observed that…
and when i ransacked my messed up brain, for an answer to this question…..the only thing i could think of was…that the red stood for passion…the passion of love.
the sugar of romance may have been less..in the movie…but the passion of LOVE, was nevertheless present.
that was what that red stood for….isnt it??

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and 19th june about to dawn……

this post is yet another of those funny, maybe true, excursions of my random mind.
thoughts that came into my mind….when i was watching this movie ” LITTLE MANHATTAN “….on a cloudy, rainy sunday afternoon.
thoughts that for once made me reach out for my cell…..and i had almost **************************

what was this thought??
the movie “LITTLE MANHATTAN” is actually a sweet movie about the love story of a 11 year old kid…..who falls in love with this girl down the block,
only to find out that love can be actually quite a painful affair.
and as i saw the movie, i thought.
i realized, that LOVE…that four lettered word is basically the same everywhere.
its the same across all countries, across all ethnicities….
it’s maybe a bit late in india than in the west….but when it comes, its the same.

it still has all the seasons, like everywhere.
u like someone, u love someone, then you fight and lose each others’ trust, break each other’s hearts…..and then all ridiculous things happen.
u see her face in every other girl u see down the street.
every romantic movie, makes u remind of her.
u see her hair on every girl’s head.
u imagine her smile all around you.
u imagine her name everywhere around you.
every other guy’s story suddenly seems connected to you..in some absurd way.
and u experience all ridiculous things…….till u go mad.

and then…then before the good things happen.
LOVE ends. it has to end…..comes winter……
your hearts get frozen….
you still remember her, miss her the most……crave for her desperately….and still you stay back…
stay back..because it hurts….
it hurts to go outside in the cold….
it hurts to go out and sort out ur differences….for you dont want another winter.
but even inside this frozen heart….there always remains a fire….
the fire which burns….and continues to burn…despite all winters….because she shall always remain thy first love…

and people out there, this is not my story….this is the story of LITTE MANHATTAN.

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POSTED : 14TH JULY 2007 

well after some holiday posts, which i published now after coming from noida ( trust me, i haven’t edited them in any form, they are as they were when i first wrote them )…..i am now fresh from training , into my fourth and last year of engineering in my college.
and its odd….
its odd because, all of a sudden , i am the senior most batch student of my college.
its odd because, all of a sudden , i see faces in my college, which i don’t recognize. every group of 4-5 students seems to have only 1-2 faces which tag them to be of my college, or else…its like a whole new set of students out there. maybe i’ll get used to it….old frndz are slowly meeting up now…

but the start of this last year of college was definitely something i’ll remember, if not for anything else…then because of that rickshaw ride, from bhu gate to my hostel, the very first day in college.

now, it was what…10th july 2007..yeah..
morning hours….ok..about 7 am.
my train is quite a train i must say…
have been using it now for 3 straight years…and trust me when i say this…( the railway authorities might be interested ), each time when we wanted to come early morning, to attend an important morning class, this damn train would never enter the holy city before 8, when its right time is 6……
and each time, when there has been no hurry , no such rush as to arrive early, it has been bang on target….standing on platform no. 1 at sharp 5:30 or 6am….so much as sometimes, we are still asleep till the chai wallah shouts musical “chai-chia” in our ears.
so u mite guess, that this time too, the train did threaten its passengers, to arrive before time.
some unforeseen red signals, but still it manged to hit the platform at 5:45 am.
now this is early morning, by any standards, even for the early risers.

to prevent the train now from stealing the show now, i will censor some stuff….and finally am on this rickshaw , on my way to my new hostel….a journey from bhu gate to a hostel.
this story is about the rickshaw wallah….
…a typical old man, white shirt and a white untidy beard,…..but unlike others of the same age, i noticed something in his face. it was a certain childlike innocence, it was like as if hez so happy and satisfied with this job, never complaining, never ruing on his misfortunes, but accepting it as a means of spending his life, gracefully.
and i noticed it only after a while.
initially , i was like so surprised by the speed of his driving, that for a moment i considered , pullin him on his vehicle. thought that would be an experience, and den i would even do the old man a favour.
Some passers by looked at us, first at the oldie, den at me, and i was almost compelled to jump off the rickshaw, and let the old man sit. i finally dropped the idea, thinking, i would just take in the morning bhu air, as the oldie would cetainly reach my hostel by the next day.
am a pretty stone-hearted guy sometimes, in these aspects.

And then the climax. my rickshaw stops suddenly. i think, the man is not so guud after all, he might have cruel intentions on his mind, while he took hi time driving slowly.
ok…i dint think all this….at that time..but he stopped..
and before i could ask him why, he just went back a bit, stooped down , picked up something on the road, and came back promptly with the object in his hand.
and it was a mango, an aam “aam”, a small one, cracked slightly to reveal its yellow interiors, and then i looked up at the man’s face. and i saw a smile, as he flashed the mango in front of me…..and i saw his happiness, that of a child, who has just stolen a mango from the restricted tree. and i had never seen it before.
and the next moment, we were on our journey again, with the small mango at my feet on the rickshaw.

i dint speak for the next half an hour, as my mind kept goin to the oldie pullin the rickshaw.
and then next thing i saw was my hostel.
i gave this old man, 15 rs….( the fare was 10, or 12 maybe)…but i could not say anything when he returned me only 5 for a 20 rs note.
hehe , i get generous too a few times..
anyways, so that was the short story for you all….
hope you liked it.
i will, i guess never forget the face of that rickshaw wallah…his smile and his happiness…and his “aam”.

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So here i am , again in a new avatar… this blog shall be for the world….and while i have assumed the pseudo name of “useless” on the cyber world….

i will adopt a new name here….”themirror”….

Won’t say much today…..would have done this task last night itself…..but i already had enough beer for the night to make my head go dizzy and then it was almost 2 am at night. had classes in the morning, which i desperately needed to attend, for want of attendance.

From my classes today i remember ,one of my teachers (KPS) actually asked me to introduce myself to the class…hehe …it was after all my first class…and he was really pissed…

but i guess he was really funny, when he said…..”dude…do i know you, i mean do u belong to this class?? “..

Then was late again for the lab, of KAK sir, who is already notorious for his strangely ” looking through your very soul ” kinda looks , from beneath his glasses…

but damn, since i have done a bit of a project under him…(ok a full fledged one without the slightest clue as to what the damn project was )…. he tends to mentally harass me through his sentimental talks…meant only for me..

The last time he called me alone and said…”bete, tumhe ho kya gaya hai…?”

well i thought ..”mujhe kuch hua hai kya, kamaal hai mujhe pata hi nahi…”

then he said, “tum aise to nahi the pehle..”

i thought….”hehe, u bet”..

and den he said..” compare ur class 12th copy with ur lab journals now, do u see the difference..??”

and dis time i thought..”dude, do u know me from before…somehow?? “..

ok, there is a hell of a difference between my lab journal in class 12th and now in college.

The biggest difference, not going into the intricate details that is….was that my class 12th lab journal had at least a name tag, and a few scientific words written in it….while my present lab journal has proudly withheld any pen’s attempt to destroy its purity and sanctity till now. that is quite an achievement i guess, considering that am almost 2 months now into my last year of college.

so u see, it was a long tiring day for me today.

Then i cant find my cycle today…i have two keys now ( by that, i mean i own them, not that i have them)…but my cycle is nowhere to be seen. i have asked a few guys, as to whether they saw my cycle, but no one was sure. in any case, it will resurface in a day or two. its not the first time afterall.

So, after a long, hectic day…am finally in my room, starting this blog finally.

had promised , i wont say much….so thats all for today..

ENJOY MY EARLY LITERARY WORKS, which i shall be reposting here from time to time..

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