Archive for March, 2008

It was Saturday morning. And it was cold. The clock read 11 am. 11 am on a cold February morning. Such a good feeling. Dan pulled the covers over his head, trying to snatch a few more minutes of quick sleep. But then he remembered he had a task in hand, for the day. As soon as Lily came into his mind, he could no longer sleep. Wearily, unwillingly he had got up. Took a brush and stood in front of the mirror, trying to remember the conversation he had with his best friend Nate, the previous night.

Last night, after months of contemplating, he had finally told Nate about Lily. Nate knew lily, one of the reasons he hadn’t really told him about her, before. But, now since whatever there was between him and lily, was over, he had needed someone to talk to. Nate was the best option, and also his best friend. To his surprise, Nate took the piece of information, really well. Perhaps he had already known that, just waiting to hear it from him. But it was good. Letting go of whatever he felt, in front of a friend , it was as if a huge burden was lifted.

What had he said actually, he thought. ” I think i liked her, loved her, and will probably never be the same without her “, these were the words he had said as far as he could remember. It was a downpour of emotions last night. And Nate took it really well.

And then, it was Nate who had suggested, to give her a call. To tell her, what he felt. To let out everything he had, in front of her.It didn’t prove to be such a good option , after all.

As all these thoughts crossed his mind, he was still in front of the wash room mirror. A glance at the mirror and he could hardly recognize himself. An ugly looking black beard seemed to sprout out of nowhere. When did he last bathe, he had thought. Nevertheless, he washed his face. The water was cold and it hurt his face, but he hardly cared.

He rushed back to his room. With trembling fingers, he had dialed her number. It seemed so strange, that of all the phone numbers in the world, he had her number at his lips. He didn’t even remember his home phone number. But her number was like deeply imprinted in his mind. The phone rang for a while. No one picked it up. Another try, still no answer. He gave up. She won’t talk, he knew.

It was 12 noon now, time for lunch. But now, after this phone call, he didn’t want to give up so easily for the day. Food, was a nuisance. He needed to concentrate. He needed to think what he had to say. He even tried to write down his thoughts, so that he could just read them out to Lily on the phone. He frantically tried every trick in the book, trying to brace himself for a much desired conversation. But the next thing he really remembered was waking up at 6 , to the sound of “love is all around you”, on his desktop.

He got up, stopped the player, trying to regain his chain of thoughts. Pieces of paper lay all around him, frantic words on them. He ignored them, and dialed her number once again. No one picked up on the first try. he let the phone ring for another time, hoping against hope. And then he had heard her.

Sitting in the cafe, nibbling away at the cold sandwich, he tried to remember what had followed next. What were her first words, what had he really said, how long did they talk, and what exactly did they talk, each of these questions simply drew a blank. All he could remember were those last words of Lily, and suddenly his mouth turned bitter. Perhaps the first real taste the sandwich had to offer after all, he thought. He left the cafe, with a bad taste in his mouth. Paid his bill quietly, lighted another cigarette, and walked away briskly towards his quarters.

As he lay back on his not-so-soft bed now, it had been softer some time back he thought. So, after a long day , an unfruitful conversation, a tasteless sandwich, he was basically back to where he was the day before. 10 months now, he had basically been dying to hear her sweet voice. Hear but anything from her. Only she wouldn’t talk. What had gone wrong after all. After more than 2 years of friendship, of knowing each other, what could have gone wrong. It was true, he hadn’t been the best of guys. But he had been always like that, non-serious, perhaps idiotic too. Why did she judge him? He never judged her, so why did she.

Then his thoughts drifted to the night , Lily had her exams, and she had this trouble with her sleeping habit.



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“… I have already told you, not to depend on anyone. Don’t depend on me. And, please, don’t say such things to me again “, were the last words of lily, as the phone went down. The already dark moonless night, just got all the more darker for Dan. He hadn’t had a single bite to eat since morning. Thinking about what to say to lily, had taken away all his appetite. It had been 10 months, since they had last talked to each other. And even , today, the phone call didn’t exactly went the way, he would have wanted. He looked at his watch. It showed 7 pm. Or was it 8 pm. He couldn’t be sure in the dark. He couldn’t focus.Was it the darkness after all, or was it the strange dizziness in his head. He couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t be sure about anything these days.

He tried to take his mind off lily. FOOD…he thought. Not that he was hungry, but it was a good excuse to get rid of his present chain of thoughts. This wasn’t how his life was supposed to be, he thought, not like this, just because of some girl he liked, a friend who left him without quoting a reason. This was not how it was supposed to be.

He should not be weak. He had always been weak. But now, he must be strong. He needed the energy, emotionally as well as physically.With these thoughts, playing with his mind, his eyes searched for some place to eat. He didn’t realize he had already walked some 2 kms . But his legs weren’t tired. Still he needed some food.

He saw a small cafe ahead. The brilliantly flashing red and blue and green neon lights, throwing rays of light, trying to light up the dark, in the absence of the moon. An effort in vain. As he looked up at the sky, he saw there were no stars either. Just a clear sky, devoid of anything. The moon always made the night beautiful, he thought. You could see things around yourself, in a new light. It was such a beautiful feeling, relaxing , peaceful tranquilly. But there was no moon tonight. There had been no moon, for almost 10 months now. And he couldn’t see things around himself.

Another 10 minutes of a lonely walk, and he is finally sitting in the cafe. It was mostly empty. On any other day, he might have thought it strange. Today, he didn’t even notice it. He was too distracted, to even notice the cheese burger, which had turned cold on his table. He just stared outside the window, into the dark.

He lighted up one of his cigarettes he had bought from the shop outside. The smoke eased his mind. Calmed him down. What had gone wrong after all, he thought. All these 10 months, he had been haunted by this question. He just couldn’t find the answer. It was somewhere out there, but he couldn’t see it. He seemed to had everything. A good life, a good friend who inspired him, motivated him, gave him advice which he valued, guided him when he was misguided, calmed him when he was excited, nervous, edgy.
He didn’t need a cigarette back then. Just a phone call. A text message. Just a few words from lily, were enough to end all his worries, and bring a smile on his face. She never actually saw that smile, but it was there, every time, he talked to her.

And now, he was smoking. Disgusting he thought. With a frown, he threw the half smoked cigarette, outside. For the first time, that night, he noticed the sandwich on the table. He took a bite into the cheese. It was tasteless. Tasteless food. But it stirred up his mind. The events of the last 2 days flashed in front of him….


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Well,  i wrote this down, the night i got my first job…on campus.  It was preceded by a small string of failures, so it actually meant a lot to me…..

Here’s what i wrote….

” I remember that dialog by Boman Irani in BLUFFMASTER, to Abhishek Bacchan  ( ROY), when he tells him, to realize those few ecstasies of life, the first bicycle ride, the first job, the first salary, the first girl….and other such once in a lifetime things, which make your life, what it is.

and though my “first bicycle ride” age is already gone, and my “first girl” event is yet to happen……i can really feel the feel of what’s called “the first job” of an engineer.

It may not be one of the best, it may not be enough of money but what it brings with itself, is a sense of relief, a sense of confidence , a sense of joy….and somewhat motivates you to aim for the sky. and that is what i feel today.
and maybe i will never ever forget this day.
its GE, the least expected of all…but still GE…
its imagination at work…
its me at work….
and now its time for the sky…..just wish to conquer the world one day…
and that too, very soon…. “

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As i pushed open the door to what was supposed to be my new “home” for the next 4 years, i realized it was just a dead end. A plain white wall stared back at me .But that was impossible, right. The warden had said, it was “my” room. And he must be right , i thought. Quickly adjusting my eyes, i saw that there was actually some space between me and the opposite wall, the same space in which two guys ( me and my room mate ) were supposed to be spending an year or so.
And there i was !

That was my first day at college.
And am now into my last days of college.
Not that am all sentimental, and emotional, and like all tears and all. But still, Thinking about college, your college life, your 4 years on your own in a whole new world…its actually fun.

Now, i know colleges are supposed to be centers of higher learning, places where the kid from school undergoes his transition into the man who faces the world, times when he learns from his own mistakes, his own experiences…..and blah blah.
There’s much much much more to college than all that.

Now, there are people, for whom college is like “nothing special”…just another 4 years in their dull and dreary lives. Called “nerds”, this species of college population, has its own set of rules ( most of which are the exact opposites of the rules of the contemporary “normal” college society ). It has its own set of definitions for everything , from academics ( read “life” ) to recreation ( read “unholy” ).
PS : For more details on these concepts, watch American PIe – Beta House , the movie.
This post is not for them.

This post is a view of “college living“,
my view of “college living” ,
just another view of “college living“…and am sure, most of my fellow college guys would agree to this view. All those who agree , can raise their hands in support, and maybe can send me a picture of themselves in that position, on my personal email id. I would really appreciate the effort.

So no ladieshhh and all gentlemann, here i present


  • Choose a college.
  • Choose a room.
  • Choose a bar in town.
  • Choose stealing slippers from your friends.
  • Choose not to buy your own toothpaste.
  • Choose to share one bucket with 10 other people.
  • Choose to take bath once in every 10 days.
  • Choose crowding the TV room for an India-Australia cricket match.
  • Choose to love your computer more than anything else.
  • Choose to talk online to the guy next door.
  • Choose living on cheap beer and instant meals.
  • Choose blowing your money on night outs , dhabas and alcohol.
  • Choose to sell your cycle and books for the quick money.
  • Choose parties at any time of the semester.
  • Choose to sniff your clothes to see if they are still wearable.
  • Choose being out every time the mess manager calls round for the bill.
  • Choose staying up all night writing the assignment which you should have been working on for the past three months.
  • Choose dating the college hottie.
  • Choose giving cheap gifts to girls.
  • Choose making the girl pay on a date.
  • Choose to avoid the girl’s parents at all costs.
  • Choose falling asleep in lectures.
  • Choose not to sit on the first two benches in class.
  • Choose to sit on the bench farthest from the teacher in class.
  • Choose to appear interested in the class when actually you don’t have a clue.
  • Choose not to have breakfast ad then actually have it.
  • Choose asking your parents for money.
  • Choose never cleaning the room.
  • Choose doing all the things your parents warned you not to do.
  • Choose twenty four hour cramming sessions the day before the end sems.
  • Choose befriending the class nerd for their notes.
  • Choose a drinking buddy.
  • Choose the cheapest night outs you will ever have, when you don’t have enough money.
  • Choose waking up at completely unexpected places after getting over drunk.
  • Choose sleeping at dawn and waking up in the afternoon.
  • Choose starting the weekend two days early ( and seven days early in the final semester).
  • Choose long holidays and flexible deadlines for the last time in your life.
  • Choose taking bags of dirty laundry home for your parents to clean.
  • Choose studying for three years then appear clueless in front of the interviewer.
  • Choose a study partner, with whom you gossip more than you study.
  • Choose sleeping around everywhere except your own room.
  • Choose getting high and talking bullshit.
  • Choose new friends you won’t speak to within a year of leaving college.
  • Choose a new lover to replace the one you left at home.
  • Choose to increase your alcohol tolerance level.
  • Choose the best time of your life….

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Well, its about last night, and its a crazy story.
i know, we all do crazy things sometimes….and last night was the one for me, i guess.

You see, i had this bottle of BACARDI RUM in my room , for the last three days, and was just searching for the right moment to empty the bottle down my throat. So, while i was watching GODFATHER 2 on my computer, i suddenly had this not so unfamiliar urge to drink, and so buzzed one of my friends , lets call him S.

Now, since the last 2 days, i had been a bit dizzy, and had a strange headache in my head, which was partly due to the previous rum and partly due to some other unknown reasons ( am saying this because alcohol normally doesn’t have that kind of affect on me unless am really really over drunk, which has happened to me only on 2 occasions before and both had turned out to be classic events ). So , i thought, i would just drink another shot, and get all rum-my and sleep on my tum-my afterwards ( so much for the rhyme ).

But, then we two realized that, we were hungry and at 1 am in the night we had only one option, the rajputana canteen. So after debating a bit on whether we really needed to go out in the cold, we finally decided to just go for it. The gates of the hostel were closed however, and we could force our way into the canteen only after some pleading to the gatekeeper ( damn first year hostels ). I felt sorry for the dog who was left to shiver on the outside, while we got in.

Anyways, after getting some late night snacks for a late night party, we started to return back, and thats was when it all started. I suddenly had this out of the blue crazy idea, of drinking under the open sky somewhere in the haunted places of the college. S wasn’t so enthusiastic about it, but he gave in. And so, after stuffing all the necessary things in our pockets , we set foot from our hostel, in search of a nice place , back there somewhere in the college.
We had in our pockets :
1) one bottle of BACARDI WHITE RUM…one “addha ”
2) one packet of brtania chocolate cookies
3) one packet of haldirams snacks
4) two glasses stolen from the mess.

And we set towards our academic area, towards our department, the electronics one. It was ironic, for we hardly go to our department during the day time, but were so eagerly moving towards it in the night time. Anyways, after noticing a few changes in our own department over the last year or so ( which somehow, had escaped our eyes in the daytime ), we went ahead and finally rounding off the mechanical department, settled in the civil department.

I poured each one of us, a glass full of the precious liquid, and den we decided to take a stroll , as we sipped. Our stroll , took us to the OAT , just a little distance ahead, and this was where we finally came into the open, under the star lit sky ( i don’t remember any moon though up there ). And here, we sipped rum, under the sky like two carefree souls ( we were on the constant lookout for the proctor’s patrol or else, we could have landed in jail for the night ).

There on the OAT, we shouted on top of our voices to hear the sound of our own echo. We sang our favorite songs, in the most terrible of voices. We swore aloud , planned revenge on all those crazy bastard professors who had tortured us the 4 years. We played football with those 2 glasses, till they finally broke. We tried to break the telephone wire, but when we followed it to its very end, we found it was just too high for two drunken idiots.

Then we came back to our department, hugging the bottle of rum to our heart. And we placed the bottle on top of our department for all of us to see on Monday. We however had to climb up a window to do so. And then when we were just about to leave, i had the craziest of idea for my devilish mind was at its best. We opened the electricity box, and pulled out the CUT-OUTS, and plunged the entire department into darkness. And then we heard the night-watchman’s whistle, and we just ran at top speed leaving behind an eye-witness to our crime. It was just an innocent sweet-looking lizard inside the electricity box, and we just couldn’t convince myself to kill the witness.
( maybe just walked, i don’t really remember, hell i don’t even remember the whistle ). From the distance we could only see a large spot of darkness, amidst the brilliantly lit academic area, and we just couldn’t imagine the face of PC (our HOD) on Monday.

And this is the story, of the night, when two drunken friends plunged a whole department into darkness. We even planned to do the same for the entire academic area, but were just too drunk to implement that i guess.
And today afternoon when we realized what we had done last night, and went to check out the scene, the bottle of rum was still there, sitting proudly on top of our department. The lizard was gone though.
And we finally had a souvenir from college.
I think i’ll encase it and put it on my wall or something….but that has to wait till the matter gets cold a bit….

PS : I think i also remember some conversation i had with ashish rajan when i came back to my room around 3 or something. I need to check out what all i blabbered.

And know what, for the first time in months, i felt like i was back, back to the old care-free self with a devilish mind, back to being someone who got lost all this while, though it was only for the night.

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Well, i wouldn’t normally have written this post. But this morning, mom calls me up , to ask about the recent death in my college, which i hadn’t told at home and which she came to know from some outside sources ( i know the source, its that father of the son , who is in my college, and whose father does all the talking for his son ).

Anyways, the point is , i had in fact begun writing about the first death in my college, this academic year. Somehow, that post ended up in my list of unfinished “drafts” , never quite making it up to the blog.
You see, the 4 years of my B-tech life, has been quite free of casualties. We all have had many harrowing experiences , but none died till now. We all somehow survived.
But now, in this academic year of 2007-08, there have been 3 deaths already.

First there was that student ( name forgotten ), who died on campus, as his high-flying bike, rammed into some tree or something, at about the speed of one of those googlies of anil kumble. The googly took his life though, after a fruitless day at the hospital where he tried to recover from multiple organ failures, and a collection of money from the students to aid his recovery. Nevertheless, he died a “hero” ….and the matter was soon forgotten.

Then just a few days ago, some research scholar of some physics department , died in another road accident. Who, when, Where…..i don’t have the slightest clue, but that was another death.

Then, just 2 days ago, a student , 2nd metallurgy, Raj, died in another road accident, outside campus. I suppose, from what i hear, he was returning, from a movie, on his bike, which for one second, overtook a truck ,and the next second collided with another. On the spot death. Instant relief ( i know, am a pathetic soul , with absolutely no respect for the dead ).

So, that makes it 3 deaths in my college.
Then there’s the death of Bhattacharya ma’am, which was a real shock, for all the VSECians. I won’t go into details of that death.
Then i guess, a brother of a 4th year mechanical guy, died in bangkok or something., while delivering a presentation or something.
That makes it 5 deaths in all.

Can’t remember any more this year. In any case , its not a thing to be remembered. We gotta show some respect for the dead. Now, that bikes will eventually be banned in college, it will be a real pain for the students.
And, then with all my history of being involved in all sorts of accidents, in college….my hopes of getting a bike for myself this year, also goes up in smoke. I can even smell the smoke.

I hope there are no more deaths while am still in college. There’s no point in arguing whose fault it was. There’s no point in even talking about it. Thats what prevented me from writing about this earlier.
But anyways……too many deaths.

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