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Archive for May, 2008

I thought part 5 was the end of the story, but upon popular request, i see myself writing a part 6. Hope you like it, connect with it, whatever….

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It was the spring season again. Nothing new about it, except the fact that this time, there was no more college.
After four years of a journey called life, it was finally all over. But it was not only college. Many other things were over now for DAN. And many other things he wished to be over now. But then there’s always a bitch called life.

Last evening, he was siting on the roof of his house. It was a dangerous place to be in, but somehow since childhood, he had always loved to just sit there, brave the howling wind and watch the kites up in the sky. There were memories of his childhood there. One wrong foot, and he could always land up, 3 storeys down, without any parachute. But he never had a wrong foot till date. That day, he just wished he had one, for a moment. It was one of those wild impulses, every sane person gets once in a while.

Yesterday, it was just like childhood days. It was the same old position on the same old porch. It was the same old wind, that greeted him. And it was the same old sky dotted by a few adventurous kites. Dan had his eyes fixed on a red kite which seemed to be of a mischeivous yet innocent kind, soaring in the skies like a truant school boy , cutting through other kites as if they were no match for its potential. Somehow, that kite made him remind of himself. 4 years ago, he was like that kite. Innocent and full of mischief. Just wandering about, never knowing what to do but always excelling in whatever he did. And he was happy. 4 years down the line, he was back again on the porch. He had seen a lot, heard a lot, faced a lot. Now he knew what he had to do. His vision was clear now. But he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t innocent. He wasn’t mischievous either. Most importantly, he wasn’t excelling.

And he wondered, if all this was right after all. It was a question that haunted him every moment these days. And then, he noticed the red dot again, no more soaring, but sailing across the sky now. Some distance ahead, he could see a group of kids, antcipating the downfall, waiting to tear down what would be left of the kite.
That was last evening.

Today, he just sat at his window, enjoying the view outside. He could see a group of kids, playing in the park across the street. For a moment, he actually imagined himself with those kids. They played, they fought with each other and went home swearing. There was a friendly love in all of it, and it din’t hurt anybody, however hard they fought. He longed to be there. It was his childhood there. But then a cricket ball bounced off his window frame, and it jolted him back to the present. He realized he could never go back to his childhood now, no matter how much he wished.
He was now a adult, whether he liked it or not.
He had now seen LOVE, whether he liked it or not.
And he now, also had a future , a job, which for some time now, had been troubling his thoughts.

Being in a good college, gives you the advantage of getting some good offers for a bright future, while you are still in college. He basically had two offers, a lucrative research position in a big multi national firm, which promised a good brand value, but low cash inflow. The other, a local firm, that had achieved huge success of late, aimed the sky, and promised good work as well as money. So what, if the job took him to a city , where Lily would also be residing , now that she too was out of college. It was a big city, he thought. And if he could just be a bit careful, avoid mutual friends and social parties, ignore her everytime they bumped across each other down the street or the local malls or any other place, he thought he could just lead a perfectly happy life. The plan sounded simple enough for him.

Only he didn’t knew, if he really wanted to avoid her at all. Was this plan, only to keep himself from breaking down or was he really over her. It was a difficult question. A part of him, did want to see her. There were things he wanted to say to her, which she wouldn’t listen. There were things he wanted to explain to her, which she wouldn’t understand. He always choked infront of her. He could never express his feelings, in front of her. Now that he thought, he couldn’t really express his feelings in front of anyone. It was something, he never excelled in.

There was this other part of him, that wanted to get over her. Avoid her forever. Forget her like some bad dream. Erase her from his memories. But everytime he thought he had finally been able to do that, there she was, painfully reminding him of her existence and how it mattered to him. Not totally her fault though. Sometimes, on occasions called birthdays, we sometimes do remember once-upon-a-time friends.

Basically, the two parts were pulling him apart, right that moment. He couldn’t decide, if he should have this small-upcoming-company job, which promised a better return for his knowledge if he could only avoid Lily, or if he should have this big-name-company job that would allow him to escape from everything, maybe even start a whole new life, establish a whole new world.
The second option had been making a whole lot sense lately.
But it was a tough decision.
What would it be ?
Then there’s always that bitch called life, to screw things up for you.

– TO BE CONTINUED

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A REASON TO SMILE

BY sakhsi @ http://www.mavericksmusing.com/

Its past midnight, almost 3.45 EST and I just kept the phone down. A tired, hungry and grumpy male just wanted to do nothing else but crawl into his bed after working almost 36 hour shift. And yet, he called me the minute he got out of work, in response to my rather dramatic text. Just to hear me ramble about all that happened. To calmly say, we will work it out. And then proceed to ease my fears by talking to me for the last hour. To let me now sit and write this post with a smile.

While recently a lot of things have gone down hill, I have still not lost the reason to smile simply because I have people who care. And who show it in every little thing that they do. Its at times of crisis that you separate “Keeper friends” from “Oh, I know/chat/talk with her friends.”

These souls say the normal comforting things but at the same time help you provide a solution to the crisis brewing in your life. They take time off their work to rummage through craigslist to find an apartment to rent or to sit with you and work out a feasible solution to watch the cricket match on your apple. They send you songs to cheer you up or even better listen to you quote horrendous poetry. Or send you salacious messages, just to make you blush. Or take time and really flirt with you because you are feeling down and completely unsexy. They let you speak freely, insisting that your politically incorrect statements bring them great joy. They accept your sarcasm, knowing it is your defense and your offense, and knowing which one you use against them.

They make you talk, listen to your crummy excuses and smack you on the head to make you see reason. They are enraged on your behalf when you tell them what is bothering you. They shake you up and ask you to see things clearly. They tell you things, in detail, despite the fact that it hurts you to hear it. They refuse to let you be delusional. They make you face all these dreaded things and then hug you, comfort you and tell you that you are made of sterner stuff. They cheer you up by telling you things about yourself that you never knew – just to show you how much you have achieved. They help you regain that faith in yourself.

They are there when you are sick. Holding you. Sitting with you while you catch your breath again. Worrying over you, fussing about your eating habits, making sure you pour that extra cup of coffee you are drinking down the drain, but at the same time letting you figure out your own strength.

They are there in your happy times. Taking pride in the smallest of your achievements. Making you feel like a queen (no, not that kind!). They stop you from berating your self, make fun of your perfectionist attitude and then help you laugh at yourself.

This lot, worries over you while all the while calmly assuring you to go and live life. To take chances. Since they will always be your safety net.

This journey has been easier, I realize since, I am blessed with many such loving people. Who take the time and effort to show they care. Its a great feeling to not feel alone. Even better to feel loved. Unconditionally. Without holding anything back. Without expecting anything in return – except may be your love.

Its great to be loved. But its nicer to sometimes hear the words. And know that it is sincerely meant. ”

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It was 11 o clock in the night, when Dan finally opened the door to his dark room. But he was too distracted to notice the fused bulb in his room. He searched for his bed, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness. He hardly cared. There was a table lamp, on his table, which he hadn’t switched on in ages. A spider, ran for the darkness, as soon as he switched on the lamp. He had nothing else to do tonight, but he didn’t want to spend yet another night, fighting off sweet memories. He absent- mindedly , picked up the nearest notebook, he could manage, and a pen. He didn’t know what he had in his mind. Flipping through the pages, for an empty page, all of a sudden, he came across this page. There were words on it, true words, words he remembered he had written down, the night he had tried to call up Lily.

He didn’t want to read those words, but still he read those lines, which read :

  • There’s no point explaining anything to her.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i miss her.
  • There’s no point telling her, that all i wanted was, to be completely honest with her, by showing her the truth.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i am all fucked up , just because she was supposed to be my closest friend, who left me without even quoting a reason.
  • There’s no point telling her , that it was i actually, who was hurt by her words, on that fateful morning, but i never said that to her.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i am drinking hard , as much as possible, just to flush her down my system.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i am smoking, just to get her out of my mind.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i have changed, and that its she who induced the change, something which she had telling me all the time, but i had always ignored.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i no longer smile or laugh at even the most funniest of jokes, things which set a whole room full of morons, rolling on laughter.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i can never like any other girl, the way i liked her, unless i completely hate her.
  • There’s no point telling her , that i can never hate her, as much as i might wanna do that.

Just random points, which seemed to have no real meaning . According to her, he should not depend on her. Yes, that was what she had said that day, one of the things , which had stayed in his mind. Is friendship really a dependency, he thought ?. Are friends there for the support, or maybe one should not depend on his friends. Someone’s got their definition of friendship all screwed up. Someone is wrong in their notions, and he couldn’t tell who it was.

But, He knew, that what he wanted really, was not wrong. To renew a friendship, could never be wrong. To renew a relationship, could never be wrong. He realized the fact, that Lily might never be back. But, the day she would be back, he swore to himself, he shall be what he always had been. A simple guy…who enjoyed life, and who had that characteristic smile on his face, that his friends could actually mention in their essays.

Dan swore to himself, that night, that, that day would see, his last sip of alcohol, his last puff of cigarette. The day of course, might never come. And realizing this, he closed the notebook. Then he closed his eyes, and merged into the darkness of his room.

– TO BE CONTINUED

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