Enough of super-serious stuff on my blog now. I thought I was writing
some pretty kool stuff, but then I got comments which accused me of
being “obsessed” and “guilty” and “nostalgic-fool” and “whining-baboon”
, I guess it shattered my own self-created image of my own writings.
Some friends even went on to say , “BABA sab theek kar dega… “. Only 2
questions for them, 1) Who’s the BABA here ? There are numerous ones on
TV these days. My mom was a follower of ASHARAM BABA sometime back, and I still remember those morning fights over the TV remote , in my school
days , when this freak show coincided with the morning telecast of the
WWE. [ Mental note : Me and my mom, still haven’t come to a decision, as
to which was the real freak show ] .
2) Secondly, what will he cure me of ? Its not as if am having AIDS or
something, and that can’t be cured anyways, so the BABA need not bother.
Apart from them, I only suffer from headaches ( caused by irritating
people at work ) and chest aches ( when the headaches force you to smoke
cigarettes each time ), and those are but minor issues , for which the
BABA should not be troubled.
Anywz, I hope I get the answers to the 2 questions. However, I would
like to make a legal statement here (hope, at least one of readers is a
lawyer or something ), that all my posts ( mostly the serious ones ) are
all cooked up. Cooked up by my own mind. Please don’t take them
personally. Or don’t make them personal for me either. They were never
intended that way. They were COOKED UP. And I am a guy, single,
unmarried, without a chef / bai / maharaj at home, and without any
formal education in the art of cooking. If you still don’t get what am
trying to say, then maybe Shilpa Shetty talking about cricket in IPL
2.0, is still smarter than you.
Speaking of which, I think I can make a post out of this very topic,
hehe. After all, I have been living here on my own ( with two other male
friends, in a very STRAIGHT kinda way ), for 10 months today (as another
friend pointed out today itself ). And we have been COOKING on our own
in our houses. And by COOKING, I mean proper meals, and not maggis or
disfigured omelletes, or home-made cheese sandwiches. And it’s a very
interesting exercise , as it turns out to be, particularly when you give
cooking your own food, higher priority than just going to sleep after
flushing the corner-shop burger down your throat with a large sip of
coke/beer/whatever , after a long tiring day at office.
COOKING you own food, in your own kitchen, is indeed a fun thing, and
fairly simple, once you keep in mind some very important DO’s and
DON’T’s.
- Remember, it’s necessary to have a kitchen first, then a gas stove, and finally gas in the stove.
- Remember, it’s necessary to have utensils too.
- Don’t try to skip the above two points, or work your way around as engineers are trained to do. They are absolutely necessary with no workarounds.
- Remember, Cooking is not Chemistry, though both start with C, both talk of proportions, and both are equally dangerous.
- Remember, Cooking is not recommended in the morning when you are still trying to get over the last night’s hangover, especially when it involves cutting things using knives, and more specially when the knives are still sharp.
- Remember, wine and whiskey , is not to be put in every non-veg dish that you cook. It does not always enhance the taste. It might only get the chicken drunk, and that’s also a rare possibility.
- Remember, washing hands is not enough. You have to wash the rice, the daal, and the vegetables too. Also, this doesn’t mean, you can skip the hand-wash, especially when you have been spending some alone-time with your laptop, just before cooking.
- Remember, to search for the match first and then turn the gas on, and not vice-versa.
- Also remember, to check out the ingredients needed first, and then put the oil to be heated.
- If in any case, you need to go the grocery, in the middle of your cooking, don’t stop for a SMOKE, after getting what you want. There might be a lot of smoke , in your kitchen when you get back.
- Remember, watching a movie or something of greater interest on the computer, is not a great idea when you got something on the stove, specially chicken. A burnt chicken is not so good to eat.
- Remember, not to ask your girlfriend ( existing or potential ) to learn to cook from you or otherwise. It might not be good for your relationship ( existing or potential ) with her.
- Remember COOKING is a dangerous sport. It might involve fire and burns. So don’t try to practice cooking , while in state of near undress because it’s a hot and sweaty job.
- Remember, water is needed to cook daal. And also, the daal has to be according to the rice you cook. Its supposed to be daal-chaawal, not soup with rice in it.
- Remember, don’t try to make rotis, unless you have an expert by your side.
- Remember Boling the egg, is not so simple, as it sounds. You need to pour water into the vessel first.
- And, its always better to ask someone beforehand, how to recognize the egg when its boiled or not.
- For cooking rice, a pressure cooker is the best thing. But don’t try to save money for beer , by getting a cheap one.
- Also, putting the lid on the pressure cooker is tricky. Remember, the lid is made in that shape, its not defective.
- Remember, salt is a necessary ingredient in a lot of food. And food, without salt can be a little tasteless.
- Remember, breaking the egg is tricky. Its supposed to fall inside the glass, not outside.
- Remember that egg shells don’t walk themselves into the dustbin and that the stink in the house is not a dead rat but the egg that had fallen under the refrigerator last week and is now peacefully decomposing under the fridge.
- Remember to cleanup after having your food. It does not clean up on its own, and annoys the maid a great, the next morning.
- Remember, newspaper is not the best thing when it comes to cleaning up spilt liquids.
- Also, if the spilt liquid is beer/vodka/whiskey , trying to put it back into the bottle is also not a very bright idea.
- Remember, having a DOG is not a solution to the above four problems.
- Remember, to have maggi in your stock always. You never know, when you might need it.
- Remember, you are doing it for fun. You are going to get married anyway, and hopefully she might know how to cook better than you.
SO, the above scenarios may seem weird, but are very normal when GUYS do COOK. And if you write down these rules on a piece of paper, laminate it
before you wipe your hands with it, put it up on your kitchen wall, and follow them , you are bound to get a fabulous cooking experience.
NOTE: The eating experience cannot be commented on however. 😉
PS: These are the pics of an awesome place we discovered in hyderabad, by a lake behind our offices, totally a cool place to hang out in the monsoons, very few know about the place at all….you get cheap drinks, some awesome snacks, a personal bartender ( since very few people do come by ), and some blissfull solitude blessed with a gentle breeze.
THE MIRROR 99 